When is an ‘Outing’ not an ‘Outing’?

4 min readSep 2, 2022

That time someone threw down a link to my memoir as if it were a ‘bad thing’.

The Pinnacles, Thames • Photo by Talman Madsen

Phew. My heart is beating fast right now.

The game has begun!

See, I’m running for Thames Community Board in the upcoming local body government elections here in New Zealand.

Today I put up a post on the Thames Grapevine on FB. It’s a local community group with a following of 15,000 people. The population of Thames is around 8,700 people.

Someone just commented. Yeah! A comment!

But wait — what is this?

It’s just a link to my memoir.

No comment, no nothing, just… the link dropped under my post about running for Community Board.


My memoir is called ‘Sex, Drugs & (mostly) Yoga’.


Here's my response.

But that wasn’t all that happened.

See my body got activated

And it’s still activated — my heart’s beating fast, my belly feels unsettled, there’s adrenaline in my system and my palms are sweating.

It’s a fear response, through and through.


Because I’m assuming that the person who dropped the link didn’t have kind intentions.

That they thought they were “outing” me, or “shaming” me, or something similar. Or maybe they were suggesting that I’m not suitable for public office because I have a) had sex and b) ingested drugs.

In fact, I ingested drugs this afternoon.

From my local dealer.

At The Villager Cafe.

It was a Dirty Chai Latte actually.

Hello, caffeine.

Yep, outing and shaming only works though if someone has something to hide (I don’t — read the book) or if someone feels ashamed of what they’ve done or who they are (I don’t — read the book).


🔱 Speaker • Mentor • Teacher • Author 🔱 Conversations with Kara-Leah Podcast 🔱 Memoir • Sex, Drugs & (mostly) Yoga 🔱 Conscious Festival Advocate